God?

Ok, so I know I hardly ever drink and very rarely less go out, but i did frequent the Cat Club tonight and it happened to be 80's night. Go me. Let's just say that David Bowie, Cyndi Lauper and Michael Jackson all made their appearances. But what really made this night special was when me and c-dub were dancing and some crappy song like crap on me was playing and I said, "well lets see what the next song is and then we'll leaver." Litlle did I know the next song could in fact be the greatest song ever written. I didn't even see it coming. My head was in my hands and Cristin's coworker was like, "dude your boyfriend is freaking out." I of course proceeded to lip sync, slash scream really loudly, the entire song. Let's just say that I gave Madonna a run for her money.

I live for Like A Prayer.

Crushed Childhood

It's no secret that kids are dirt-fucking-stupid. We can sugar coat it all we like, but when it comes down to it, kids are self-serving shitstains who care more about Trapper Keepers than...well, than just about anything.

The downside of this is, we are all kids at some point. In these formative years, while we are still under the spell of idiocy, we are introduced to many things that appear humorous at the time, while in fact, are quite the opposite.

Examples: Saturday morning cartoons, Police Academy, Sit coms, etc.

I find that throughout life, I stumble upon things I found amusing as a child, only to be crushed that A) these things are, in fact, shit; and that B) I must have been pretty fucking stupid to enjoy this shit.

The latest reality check is a little something called David Letterman. I remember enjoying his shtick, even fighting my primal instinct to go to sleep at 10 in order to stay up for his opening monologue. And oh, who can forget the top 10?
The lethal combination of Letterman's borderline senile rants, Paul Schafer's sugary-sweet melodies, and Allen Coulter's deep, booming voice was enough to send me into convulsions.

But tonight, I watched my first episode in quite some time, and to say that I was "disappointed" is an understatement of Elton-John's-Gayness proportions. All euphemisms and literary flourishes aside, he fucking sucks. He seems to be catering solely to pity-chuckles these days, and has abandoned any sort of social/political commentary in favor of nonsensical asides.

In short, I was pretty fucking stupid as a kid.

Talents

It has been said that people are like snowflakes: no two are a like, and the whiter they are the more beautiful they are.

Much like snowflakes, every person has specific talents. Some people go to college to develop and hone these abilities; others go to college to hit on chicks that don't shave their legs. I fell in to a third category, which can best be described as "picking your butt."

While I initially felt as though my experience at picking my own butt was not applicable to the job world, and I had missed an opportunity to find my own true calling, I realize I was just confused.

My calling is picking my butt. I can sit around and do nothing better than anyone. As opposed to running around pretending I am qualified for bullshit positions, I just need to develop my own job category that exploits my personal skills.

Some possibilities:
Movie watcher (not critic, however...too much vocab)
Couch tester
Fart-maker for movie sound effects
Burrito restaurant quality control

I am open to other suggestions.

Flatware Gift Hits Target: Sticks

63 Valley St outsider Ramji _______ hit the bulls-eye when he gifted a Melio Frosted/ Mirror-Finish 20-pc. Flatware Set to Pam Hughes this past Friday afternoon. Featuring Target's legendary tasteful design, the set of knives, forks and spoons promises to breath new life into everyday dining at the Corral. So far, user-satisfaction ratings have identified forks (both salad and dinner) as the head-and-shoulders standout of the collection. The ratings, which include factors such as "luster," "balance" and "pokiness" clearly reveal "quantity" as the most popular quality of the new forks.

Prior to the new acquisition, the fork to knife/spoon ratio was disastrously unbalanced, resulting in the need for plastic fork re-usage, disproportionally frequent dirty-fork washing, and general roommate unrest.

Said longtime resident Josh Flasher, "Listen. Its no secret that cowboys are the most rugged, rough-and-tumble uber-resourceful creatures ever to walk the open prairie-land of the wild wild west, except for maybe indians and Will Smith. MacGyver was a cowboy, for example. They can pretty much do whatever they want, whenever they want. But have you ever tried to eat pasta with a spoon? Let's just say I'm really happy about the new forks."

Jessica expressed approval with a simple yet equally indicative "Ohh! YAAAAAY!"

Only Michelle has refrained from comment on the new forks. "I really like the big new spoons. The handles are nice and strong; really good for digging into frozen dairy products." Links between this comment and the appearance of a fresh carton of Thrifty's Chocolate Malted Crunch ice cream in the freezer remain unconfirmed.

Wedding Dance Party

We got them to play Torn. End of story.

Sun River Day 2

Last night's shindig at the brewery was a success. Black Butte, Mirror Pond and the seasonal Twilight ale were all on tap. The lack of the IPA was depressing but the free beer made up for it. I believe Josh wanted to make back the cost of the trip in beer. I think he did. But clearly the highlight of the night was the cougar, we'll call her Robin, who hit on Paggi. She couldn't stop talking to him. She was a fox. I can't wait to see what happens on the dance floor tonight. I also wowed everyone with my boat racing skills that I haven't shown off since the college days. I still got it. We got back and tested the hot tub at the house. Not quite as hot as we were hoping, but enjoyable regardless.

Today started off with some delicious breakfast burritos. J-Flash, Pag and I headed out on the town with the hopes of using our free coupons to play tennis. After much traversing of the resort we were sent to a place that had absolutely no tennis. We sweet talked the lady into letting us play basketball instead on their indoor court. I don't think we ever missed a shot.

Oh and then Josh and Lilli beat me at trivial pursuit. By only one. And it was like the 70's version. I mean come on.

Next up: Josh learns how to tie his tie. The over under is set at 37 minutes. Hint: Take the over.

Balut Balut Balut: Fertilized Duck Eggs

Who seriously wants to eat them? Not I. At first it seemed benign enough. It's a hard-boiled duck egg. Ok, I've eaten eggs before, even hard-boiled. I've also had duck. They are both good on their own. But a fertilized duck egg??? That's partially formed?

Nothing like drinking at trivia without a proper supper to have hunger motivate you. Actually, it wasn't even hunger, just curiosity. It looks way worse than it actually is, it does take like a richer, hard-boiled egg. The worst part about it is the crunch.

However, I would not recommend dissecting it. It removes all desire of consumption very, very quickly.


As you can see..... Everything is there. Welcome to Biology 101, enjoy the semester.

Road Trip. Day 1.

Tight. Spent 2 hrs in the car getting from frisco cali to walnut creek. Upon arrival at the creek we received our 2008 Nissan Sentra. It has an auxiliary input. Needless to say it's rad. The trip from Walnut Creek to Sun River was much more enjoyable and speedy. Especially because I was having gay sex the entire way with a bunch of gay studs. It wouldn't have been a road trip without a stop at Le Bell. It's not like we had a choice. Fortunately my chicken burrito supreme didn't cramp me up. Whew. I believe the highlight of the trip though was watching the Ironic video in the car and each of the four of us palyed different Alanises. Another highlight was Josh and I in the front listening to every 90's song invented until 2am. Ok stay tuned for update on day 2. It's looking up since there will be free beer tonight at the Deschutes Brewery.

Labor Day

Labor Day has come and gone once again. It was a much needed respite from the drudgery of work. Returning to the office (the shitter) today was made all the more difficult by this magnificent weekend (because Matt got locked out and I had to prematurely cut off a log to let him back in).

Let's reflect on some highlights:
Killer party
Tight swimming pool
Rockin burgers
Painting kegs

Nice.