Sorry folks. I realize I haven't been bringing my A game to this blog thing recently (although, I have been bringing my "A's" game, as in, I have been sucking an awfully lot).
This was due to a beastly thing called "A Job". No longer will I let such petty distractions get in the way of the important things in life, i.e., blogging, drinking, reading comic books, and masturbating. Wow, when you put things like that, it really sounds like I am reading the 'Merican dream here.
Much like a cancer, I have cut this job from my life, no longer allowing it to sap every ounce of joy out of me. And, much like with cancer, I have shaved my head. Not all the way; only black people can pull that off. But enough that I feel like a new person. A new person with totally sick side burns.
Anyway, there is no point to this message, I just now have a lot of free time, and am really happy about it. When I was growing up, I idolized GI Joes, Hot Rod (the one from Transformers, not that piece-of-shit Samberg movie), and Jerry Goldstein. While the last person may seem obscure to those "none-chosen-ones" out there, he is just a filthy rich white jew who is ugly as sin but bought a gorgeous wife from Thailand. As I have grown up and matured (not in the mental sense, but I definitely have pubes now), my priorities have shifted, as have my dreams. All the sports heroes, movie stars, and comic book characters of yore have been replaced with one shining beacon of human excellence: Peter from Office Space. More and more, I find my life to resemble his, aside from the boning Jennifer Aniston thing.
My dream really is to do nothing. I don't care about helping others; I don't need fulfillment from my job. I just want to sit around, roll out of bed, make some food, play some drums, and then go to sleep. That is my perfect day.
And now, I finally have it. God bless 'Merica, and I can't wait till I get my welfare check.
See you in the soup kitchen line,
Food Stamp Josh
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4 comments:
Merica. I remember that from back i the day. If I'm not mistakes, it's just down the road from the dixie highway, no?
Just be sure you start at the east coast, and head towards the west coast back home. Many good men have been lost from not following those simple directions. Also, I just discovered taking Interstate 75 is actually slightly more convenient than the Dixie Highway, and only mildly less patriotic.
Although last time I drove it, the radio stations kept playing this little diddy...I can't remember who it was about, though.
Could it have been about Jack? Diane?!? What might they have been doing? I was recently in middle America, and a good number of people were sucking on something, possibly chili dogs. Is it beyond reason to assume that Jack and Diane were in fact sucking on chili dogs? We may never know.
Also see: I20, I40, I80.
Welcome Josh, to the Kingdom of Freedom. I have also recently just joined this glorious realm.
One thing to look out for is the suck that is Alluc.org
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