Helping Those in Need

St. Francis of Assisi once said, "For it is in giving that we receive." Please keep this in mind as I ask you to join me in my crusade to help our beloved Joshter Monster...

You see, Genghis Cassidy has another problem besides the lone pube residing slightly north of his upper lip: He sleeps in a woman-repelling dorm room.

While the rest of the corral exudes classy Asiatic cowboy mixed with San Franciscan Victorian charm, Gengs, if you will, has turned his space into a twin bed nightmare replete with open dresser drawers spewing clothes (presumably clean, though still questionable), shade-less anthropomorphic lamps, a fleet of laundry hampers and a few bare paltry hangers that cry out, "Clothe us!" Let us not neglect the Prego spaghetti sauce jar turned bank or the homeless array of knickknacks. The aroma from the hops brewing in his elevated closet only add to the eternal freshman feel.

And when I use the term freshman, I am not referring to the sweaty 'roid-raging jocks secure in their knowledge of the adoring masses of jersey chasers clad in tiny denim skirts or the frat boys with their roofie cocktails who ooze slimy charm. Oh no, my friends! I am referring to those lonesome souls who find themselves sitting on the top bunk of 6B in some Harris Hall comforted by a comic book -the only place where they can find some action on a Friday night.

How is that I came to know the details of Gengs' den, you might ask? Well, after gracefully taking down an entire bottle of wine with ladylike finesse, I found Gengs to be the only one still awake at a mere 10:34pm. My remaining magnificent mates were already fast asleep, including the other half of the torso. LAME!!! Should Gengs find himself with a date, at least I will feel confident knowing he will be able to stay awake through an entire evening.

Returning to Gengs' primary predicament though, I am asking that you all donate a meager 10 minutes of your precious time for the sake of our dear friend. Look deep into your hearts and help someone less fortunate by searching craigslist for full or queen-sized beds, lampshades, bookcases, or other items that you think might transform the dorm into a room that, say, a hot Russian who enjoys an establishment such as Soupfreaks might want to frequent.

I am relying on your generosity and compassion. Do it for Gengs' sake!